Things I need to remember:

Simple is rarely easy.
Be careful not to become what you hate.
Be The Change You want from this World.
You can argue or judge without malice. No, really. 
When discussing with a person that has an opposing view, you can listen with out having to try to convince them of your view. I've tested this, it's true. 
You're not as capable of spontaneous violence as you would like to think you are, and odds are,... you're not even close to being as violent as the asshole that you speak as with those memes. So just stop. If you can't , then use qualifiers.
If the world were to be run by your standards You'd probably have been indoctrinated/imprisoned/executed years ago.
Have a small dessert and a drink.
The opposing political party has more principals and ideals and goals in common with you and yours than it has conflicting ones.
You don't have to always be grateful , you can simply be Glad.
Recognize when you should be grateful. That person may not be home the next time you run out of toilet paper.
If you can make the payments, you can save for it.
Put down the remote/ phone,... pick up that damned book.
Smile.
Park further away.
You like rain.
Your kids have gotten in less trouble and have earned better grades than you ever did.
Come to a complete stop.
People in magazines don't look like that.
Kerouac was a lucky pussy and P.J. O'rourke's parents were both dead when he was way young.
Aim for a lifestyle instead of goals.
You're at least half as cool as some people say you are. No, not the one in the mirror. Don't be absurd.
Yes it would be cool to be a King, Probably not likely to happen. Much easier to be happy as a man.
When you can't sleep , try harder.
Smile.